Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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