Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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