ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
