DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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