This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
