dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
