Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
