I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
