Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
