my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
