where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
look no pants
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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