i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I forget how to act sober
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
