The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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