What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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