they need to just BURY HIM!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
