I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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