No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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