i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
