Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pappa wants mamma naked
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
