please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
