Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
