Will you blow on my dice?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
