Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
