i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
