Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
