Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
