I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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