Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
