Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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