I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
