Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
