I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
