just come out here and I will go home with you...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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