I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
