so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
