I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
