I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
