you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
