u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I died a long time ago.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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