My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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