We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
