oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
