i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
