Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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