EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
