Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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