can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
