I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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