i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
