1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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