you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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